It was around 1900hrs on Monday August the 4th when my life changed forever. Kel and I were progressing well on Roller Coaster Tycoon, the game providing a good distraction from the wait for Leonard. Kel popped to the loo, and upon her return uttered 6 words I'll never forget.
"I think my waters have broken!"
At once I was hit by a tidal wave of emotion, which also managed to wipe my brain of anything I'd learnt in the ante natal classes. We briefly wondered what we actually did next, but with the help of our good friend Google we settled on ringing the delivery suite.
We had to go in to check on mum and baby. The hospital bag had been loaded into the car for months, and so we put in the car seat should we end up staying. I distinctly remember Kel telling me to slow down as I raced up Skipton Road, yet I was unaware of my urgent driving, I just wanted to know what was going on!
Adrenaline had well and truly kicked in at this point, my jaw chattering constantly despite the balmy weather outside. The staff were very helpful and put us in the observation bay. After a few checks we were sent home to sit it out for 24 hours. The longest 24 hours ever.
Realising this was probably the last night alone we did what all young couples do, make sushi. No seriously, we did. It was quite an odd thing to do, I admit, but it provided ample distraction before we could finally settle for bed at around 1am.
Eventually we reached 1900 hours on the Tuesday. Again we made sure we had everything, and set off for the hospital. By now Kelly was having contractions, but they were pretty spaced out. There is nothing quite so isolating as watching your wife go through this pain. You know you can do almost nothing to help. I found it quite difficult to watch, but I tried my best to be useful.
Back again we went to the observation bay, and on with the heart rate monitor. We were offered the choice to go home, but whilst Kel was on the monitor Leonard makes that decision for us. I noticed his heart rate dropping slightly with each contraction. The midwife explained that they will be inducing Kel at 0600 the following morning.
In the resulting 9 hours I tried to remember everything we'd learnt in the active birth classes. We got Kel on the birthing ball, and in various positions to help encourage Leonard out. I made lots of tea, and got a sore butt trying to sleep in the bedside chair. We watched the monitor a lot, laughing at how many TACO's Kelly would get on each contraction. This was some kind of measurement of pain by what I could tell from Kel's reaction. (Til the midwife ruined our fun by correcting us that it was actually TOCO, not TACO, and was indeed a measurement of the strength of the contraction.)
Eventually 0600 came. Kel's contractions were slightly closer together, but things were not progressing fast enough. The midwife came along and asked if we are ready. 'For what?', I think. How could anyone be ready for this? I gathered our belongings, which by now were strewn across the bay. We entered a delivery room, and this was the last time I saw Kel's eyes before the arrival of Leonard, as she squeezed them shut ready to endure the next stage of labour.
Saturday, 13 September 2014
Thursday, 11 September 2014
The fruitless search and the grand idea.
Hello.
My name is Chris, and 5 weeks ago my life changed completely with the birth of my son Leonard. All of a sudden I turned from an unmotivated boy to a time efficient, full grown man. It is still funny to think I am now a member of the dads club. When I think about what that means it leads me to an overwhelming sense of responsibility and a desire to provide my son with the best start I can.
Throughout the ante-natal period I felt quite alone, and struggled with my mental health. My feelings towards my unborn son, and desire to be involved fully were sometimes met with odd looks and unkind comments. From very early on my wife and I agreed I would take additional paternity leave after 6 months to have a bit more time with the boy. This seemed to some people to be an unfathomable concept. As a dad it feels with some parties there is an expectation you will be as hands off as possible, wetting the babies head at the earliest possible opportunity and leaving your beloved wife to raise your child whilst you spend all your time doing Dad things. I began to question if, my desire to be as involved in possible was strange. I began to lose confidence. I became quite ill. But now, I see that I am not weird or odd, and its perfectly natural to feel like this. I don't want any other Father to feel like I did during this period.
Thankfully the Midwives and Health Visitors were a bit more forward thinking, and I felt very much involved in the ante natal and post natal care of Leonard. The NHS ante natal classes were inclusive, and helped re-enforce my feelings and desires to be as involved as possible as normal.
During the post natal period I began to look about to see if there were any support groups similar to the ones my wife was getting involved in, for dads. She always seemed to be picking up bits of information from other mums and has even made a few new friends thanks to these interactions. It seems that there is a distinct lack of support networks for Dads out there. So I am trying to set one up here. I know it might take time and a lot of effort but we must ensure Dads too feel fully equipped to be as involved as they want to in the upbringing of their child, and that they are not made to feel isolated or odd for feeling this way.
My goals of the group are to:
* Provide a support network between fathers where we can share concerns and issues in a safe place.
* Support each other through the sharing of information and experiences.
* Positively enforce the role of the Dad in the family unit.
* Provide a base for organising social events to meet other dads in an informal and relaxed way.
If you are interested you can find our facebook group at:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/831139230240243/
Or alternatively email me on:
harrogatedadsclub@gmail.com
Because Dads matter too.
Chris
PS: Thanks to my lovely wife for all she went through to bring our little man into the world and for supporting me throughout despite having enough to worry about for herself.
Love you. x
My name is Chris, and 5 weeks ago my life changed completely with the birth of my son Leonard. All of a sudden I turned from an unmotivated boy to a time efficient, full grown man. It is still funny to think I am now a member of the dads club. When I think about what that means it leads me to an overwhelming sense of responsibility and a desire to provide my son with the best start I can.
Throughout the ante-natal period I felt quite alone, and struggled with my mental health. My feelings towards my unborn son, and desire to be involved fully were sometimes met with odd looks and unkind comments. From very early on my wife and I agreed I would take additional paternity leave after 6 months to have a bit more time with the boy. This seemed to some people to be an unfathomable concept. As a dad it feels with some parties there is an expectation you will be as hands off as possible, wetting the babies head at the earliest possible opportunity and leaving your beloved wife to raise your child whilst you spend all your time doing Dad things. I began to question if, my desire to be as involved in possible was strange. I began to lose confidence. I became quite ill. But now, I see that I am not weird or odd, and its perfectly natural to feel like this. I don't want any other Father to feel like I did during this period.
Thankfully the Midwives and Health Visitors were a bit more forward thinking, and I felt very much involved in the ante natal and post natal care of Leonard. The NHS ante natal classes were inclusive, and helped re-enforce my feelings and desires to be as involved as possible as normal.
During the post natal period I began to look about to see if there were any support groups similar to the ones my wife was getting involved in, for dads. She always seemed to be picking up bits of information from other mums and has even made a few new friends thanks to these interactions. It seems that there is a distinct lack of support networks for Dads out there. So I am trying to set one up here. I know it might take time and a lot of effort but we must ensure Dads too feel fully equipped to be as involved as they want to in the upbringing of their child, and that they are not made to feel isolated or odd for feeling this way.
My goals of the group are to:
* Provide a support network between fathers where we can share concerns and issues in a safe place.
* Support each other through the sharing of information and experiences.
* Positively enforce the role of the Dad in the family unit.
* Provide a base for organising social events to meet other dads in an informal and relaxed way.
If you are interested you can find our facebook group at:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/831139230240243/
Or alternatively email me on:
harrogatedadsclub@gmail.com
Because Dads matter too.
Chris
PS: Thanks to my lovely wife for all she went through to bring our little man into the world and for supporting me throughout despite having enough to worry about for herself.
Love you. x
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